Save Your Marriage By Killing The Perfectionist in You
The danger of expecting someone to be perfect is real and can be very harmful when looking to save your marriage.
In our modern culture perfectionism is seen as a virtuous quality that many successful people possess. Yet what is forgotten here is that perfectionists oftentimes lack a great deal of acceptance within themselves therefore accepting others is difficult for them. Perfectionists are often dissatisfied with the outcome of any situation and their marriage becomes for them the battlefield of egos that constantly try to correct each other.
No single individual is perfect. This also holds true for your partner and you. Having a look at life from a much broader perspective will help you understand that the main purpose of life is to learn and marriage turns out to be a great learning platform for a lot of individuals whom open themselves up for this learning opportunity. The greatest secret of couples that have been married successfully for years is that they don't really expect each other to be perfect. These couples have learned to turn their flaws into opportunities for growth.
In order to save your marriage you need to get rid of the perfectionist in you as quickly as possible. Go through the couple of keynotes that we have listed here and identify for yourself whether you have fallen into the trap of perfectionist-thinking in your own relationship!?
Reconsider your expectations of your marriage.
The hardest knocks that life bestows upon us is when our expectations are not met. To save your marriage from disappointments be open as much as possible so that you don't try to control the flow of life in favor of your expectations. For your marriage this means that you will have to stop being too hart on yourself, you will have to make an effort not to correct your partner or obsess about every little problem that your marriage may encounter.
Don’t idealize, be realistic
Another pitfall that some people fall into is when they start to idealize their marriage. Such folks still live in the dreams of their childhood. They assume themselves to be the prince or the princess in the fairytale of their own imagination. But reality is a different story. When the reality of their marriage fails to meet their ideals such individuals become overly demanding, begin to blame if not their partner then the circumstances that they find themselves in. They want perfection yet unable to find it. They decide to stay in their marriage even though they don’t feel happy in it believing that one day it will meet their ideals.
Don’t compare your marriage to anybody else’s
Resist to compare your marriage to anyone else’s marriage. Even worse, keep away from comparing your marriage against that of a celebrity. Remember that the one visible thing that you see in someone else’s marriage is the surface of it; the depths are hidden.
Don’t hold on to the past
To save your marriage and create a glorious future you have to let go of the past. When you dwell on all the misfortunes of the past you aren’t able to move forward. The perfectionist in you will say “I want this marriage to be perfect” yet at the same time being attached to the past won’t let it happen. What do you want here, a new future full of love and happiness or recreating the problems of the past over and over again!? It’s up to you to decide.
Don’t take yourself to seriously, have fun!
The one cure to saving your marriage that your perfectionist self will not like is staying nonchalant and not taking yourself too seriously. Any time you want to feel yourself too important just stop there and think “Will being this way help me become a happier person in my marriage?”. A question like that will help you become more aware of yourself. Also, learn to have fun at all times. Learn to laugh at your problems.
To save your marriage, check out the course that Amy Waterman has created to help you out on your journey to a happier marriage.
